Have you ever felt very uncomfortable after making a life-changing decision? Did you feel any regrets about your life choices? Do you feel anxious while thinking about the future?
Have you? I did, and still do.
I have begun experiencing those things after my 21st birthday. I see my high school and college batchmates graduate, get great jobs, go to graduate school, work and travel abroad, go to night outs, and more. And there I was, not even close to graduating and barely finishing my college thesis.
At work, I have co-workers who are younger than me in the company that get opportunities that are only for people who have college diplomas, something I don't have, like being promoted.
I would be a hypocrite if I say that I don't get jealous. Of course, I was.
Since then, it was like I am in a quarter-life crisis. I was questioning my worth. I was questioning my decisions. I was questioning my capabilities. I was questioning the way I drive my path in life.
How do I cope up?
The worst kinds of struggles are the ones that are in the mind. And it is so hard to overcome these when you know that the negative thoughts will come rushing back to your brain, anytime and anywhere.
It is a continuous battle of the mind.
Music calms my nerves. The unending bop and beats of Ariana Grande, Little Mix, Queen, and Elton John usually puts me in a much better mood.
Reading a book relaxes me. Sometimes, I just want to be sucked in another story just so I could forget mine.
During quarantine, I tried playing the piano again. It was hard at first, of course. But every note I play de-stress me out. It makes me feel alive, even if I don't really feel it inside.
Of course, writing. If all else fails, at least I have an outlet to vent out to.
As they say, "the show must go on". And I have no choice but to go on and move forward, even if I am being held back by the things in my head.
Back to the present...
Life happens. Everyone is coping up with the stress and shenanigans that the current pandemic has brought us. Everyone is dealing with all kinds of stuff right now -- may it be their physical health, mental health, or just how to survive in general.
It's hard. I know.
But in time, I will recover. We will all recover.
Marielle Michaela <3