It's weird but it's like the first time I've discovered the wonders of sleep. I do a lot of that lately. Sleeping. Every time I'm awake, it's like my body just wants to go back to sleep again. My body clock is messed up for sure, but I think that hardly really matters, especially during weekends.
My dreams have also been more interesting lately, very detailed. I ignore my alarms in the morning and keep my eyes closed extra longer just to keep the dream going. I could never remember it anymore though when I'm forced to open my eyes and get up from bed.
It's another day and I'm not exactly sure which day of the week it is anymore. They blur together. All I know is, this still isn't over.
I submerge myself in other worlds, taking my mind as far away from this one through virtual escapes. I watch series for hours until my eyes get tired and my heads painfully aches. Then, it's time for another nap.
Sometimes, I just stare at the ceiling and think about nothing. When you embrace uncertainty, there doesn't seem to be a lot your mind can go off on. I've let go of figuring things out because by this point, I've accepted that there's nothing I can do.
I also play with my shadow, making movements with my fingers. The shadow is my friend. He's funny, always copying my every move. It would be nice if my friend would talk to me. I would ask his day and I would tell him about mine. Nothing much happened, but you can stretch hours talking about nothing with someone who's interested. Who am I kidding? My shadow doesn't talk.
I've ran out of stories to tell and things to convince myself with. The plans I had for the future that kept me going are still there. I just can't see them right now. I hardly think there's any reason to keep pressuring myself to do anything, don't you agree?
I don't get inspired or motivated anymore. I just feel tired, tired of everything, of every waking moment. Don't worry, I'm alright. I think this is what okay feels like. I'm not giving up. I'm not lost or confused. I'm actually calm, knowing that there's nothing to do. And, we can allow ourselves to waste some time.
It would be nice if we could just sleep until all of this is over. We'd wake up from what was like a dream we'll soon forget. We'll get up and continue to take on the life we had with renewed energy, enthusiasm and passion.
But for now,
I have nothing else to say because I am honestly fine.
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